


Renegue

by This_is_your_Heichou_speaking



Series: Cross My Heart [17]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, I'm not sure what this really is, M/M, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 19:37:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12637800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_is_your_Heichou_speaking/pseuds/This_is_your_Heichou_speaking





	Renegue

He opened the door to silence and lights turned off. He quieted his breathing, hoping that Harry was in bed by now so as to not know what time he came in, but it was not to be. As soon as he walked into the living room to get to the kitchen, he found his lover, sitting on the sofa.   
  
"Harry?" he said incredulously. "What are you doing, sitting in the dark at this hour?"   
  
His lover was silent for a while, sitting so still Justin wondered for a moment if the man was even aware that he was standing there.   
  
"Sit down," Harry said eventually, and he would've protested except Harry's voice was hard and flat in a way he hadn't heard in years.   
  
They sat in silence, the clock ticking loudly in the stillness. Justin wanted to fidget, but somehow his own body wouldn’t let him. After a while, Harry finally spoke.   
  
"Do you remember, Justin, the day you married me?" he didn't raise those green eyes to look up at him, instead focusing on his hands, which lay entwined and deceptively relaxed in his lap.   
  
"I do," he replied. He didn't like where this was going.   
  
"I... I didn't see the point in it, you know? But you said-" Harry took a breath, glaring at his hands. "You told me you wanted to make your vows to me. You said, 'Harry, I want everyone to know I am devoted to you.' So I said yes."   
  
There was a pause. Then Justin swallowed, and repeated, "I remember."   
  
"Do you remember the vows you made to me, my husband?" his voice was so low, so quiet that Justin should have to strain his ears to hear it, but his entire body felt hot and active with adrenaline, and in the silence of the room Harry may as well have been shouting.   
  
"Harry?" he tried. "If you're angry-"   
  
"I'm not," his smaller spouse interrupted. "And if you don't remember, I'll tell you."   
  
He looked up at Justin finally, eyes dull with pain and disappointment and a tiredness that made Justin's bones ache with the phantom of that exhaustion. "I asked if you'd love me forever, and you said - do you remember what you said?" he asked, laughing bitterly. "You said that nobody could possibly promise that and speak the truth. 'I won't lie to you, Harry.' Oh, and then, and then you said you'd _try_. "   
  
He looked accusingly at Justin, as if waiting for a response. He didn't. Harry smiled angrily, as if he hadn't expected anything else. "You said that even if you couldn't promise to always love me, you _could_  promise to always try. And I have waited for so long, and tried for so long, and _you haven't_ ," his voice broke, and he crossed his arms over his chest as if he was cold.   
  
"You broke your vows to me."   
  
"I just, I've been busy, okay? You're making a big deal-"   
  
"Am I?" Harry interrupted. "Really? I never see you anymore. Not for the past year, at the very _least_. When was the last time we shared a meal, Justin? Cast your mind back, I can wait," he uncrossed his arms and leaned forward, eyes flashing. "When was the last time you _made love_  to me? Do you even remember?"   
  
"I told you, I've been busy. You know my job requires a lot of me, you knew this when you married me."   
  
"Don't turn this on me. I know exactly where you go, and how you spend your time."   
  
"What? You _followed_  me?" he shouted, outraged.   
  
"You think that little of me?" Harry replied. He'd leant back, put an arm around the back of the sofa. He looked calm and relaxed, but they both knew what a lie that was. "I just have a _lot_  of friends, dear, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that a fair few people still want to get on my good books, no matter how I feel about my fame. And that’s a lot of people who care about me, A lot of people who have noticed you and your _pastimes_."   
  
"I haven't _cheated_ -"   
  
"And that's it? You haven't cheated, so everything is fine? You haven't been _here_ , Justin. You haven't talked to me or spent time with me and this isn't a _relationship_  anymore. I've had more to do with our neighbours than _you_  in the past year. I've tried, so hard. I though, maybe he's bothered by something. I've tried to be there for you, for you to talk to. I've tried to give you space. I've tried everything I can but guess what? I'm only human. And I'm only capable of so much."   
  
"So what's that mean?" Justin asked. His stomach felt queasy, and it hurt a little to breathe. "You're just leaving? You're giving up?"   
  
Harry stared at him silently, as if looking into him. Then his mouth curled up in a sad smile, and he stood. "Yeah," he said. "I'm giving up. I'm worn out, Justin. I have nothing more to give," he paused, as if unsure whether to move forward or not. Instead, he looked away.   
  
"I'm so tired of this, you know? I just don't know anymore. So yes, I'm giving up. But you should know that _you_  gave up long before now," he reached for the ring around his finger, the one Justin had never once seen off it in the six years they'd been married, and slid it off. His skin was paler where it had sat, white against the gentle gold of his tan.   
  
Harry looked at it for a while, reading the inscription on the inside. It wasn't anything ridiculous, merely Justin's name written in delicate, looping script, but it had made Harry happy to know he carried his husband's name with him. He smiled bitterly and lay it down now, gently, on the glass top of the coffee table.   
  
"I... I'll send you the papers later," he said. He couldn't look at Justin now, not when his heart was breaking at the thought of leaving the one man he loved. But Harry couldn't possibly go on like this, no matter how much he loved him.   
  
Justin didn't say a word as Harry turned and walked to the still dark hallway, where, by the stairs, lay a suitcase, and hefted it up to balance on its wheels. He rolled it over to the door, and turned and smiled awkwardly without looking Justin in the eyes. He looked more like he wanted to cry.   
  
"Goodbye," he said softly, and then he was gone, a lonely figure in the night.   
  
Justin collapsed into the armchair behind him, and buried his face in his hands. He'd imagined Harry would always be there, but at some point he'd stopped treating him like a person and more like a fact of life. He'd taken him for granted, and God knows Harry had bought it up multiple times. They'd fought about it, they'd argued and even bought other people in to ask to mediate, and yet still he'd returned to doing the exact same thing. It was nobody's fault but his own.   
  
And now it was too late.


End file.
